2028
2028 — one term, one face
WOJAK FOR PRESIDENT
No policies, no donors, no expression. One red cap, one navy suit, and a campaign that runs entirely on the chart. He filed in a church basement and walked onto Robinhood in the same shoes.
Contract address added at launch
Filed in March, precinct 4
It started in a church basement in March, under a banner printed in the wrong shade of red. Eleven people came. Four were there for the coffee.
He spoke for eleven minutes. The only line anyone wrote down was "the chart is a country too," and somebody wrote it on a napkin (the napkin is still there).
By summer he had crossed onto Robinhood, shaken hands with nobody, and taken up a position on the DexScreener floor like a man at a bus stop, waiting for a green candle that owed him money.
Eleven minutes, one line
“I am not asking for your vote, I am asking you to stand on the chart with me until the candles turn.”
Campaign finance, page one
Live from the precinct
Sample chart This is another market, not this coin — it is holding the space until the pair is live. It is replaced by the real chart when the pair address is added, and this page cannot be published to production until it is.
Voter registration desk
01
Any wallet. The campaign has no preference and no opinions on anything else either.
02
Bring what you would have donated to a real candidate. Round down.
03
He is standing there in the suit. He has been standing there since March.
04
Red candles are just early returns from precincts that hate us.
Plank one: the liquidity floor is public land and will not be sold. Plank two: every holder gets one vote and one folding chair. Plank three: he has read no other planks.
Creator fees go to laminating more yard signs, which is the only infrastructure spending this campaign has ever completed. Nineteen signs. Two survived the wind.
Approval rating among people who have met him: 100%. Sample size: one (his neighbour, who was carrying groceries and could not leave).